KKKlowns

Clowns are Evil.

Ismételtem köszöntöm az olvasóimat a blogon.

A következő rövid bejegyzés egy ujjgyakorlat csupán, aminek eredetijét a 4chan /lit/-ben tettem közzé egy “post something that you wrote” threadben kb. fél éve.  Értelemszerűen angoltudást igényel.

Azért írtam, mert unatkoztam, és azért ilyenre, mert szerintem roppant vicces a következő négy dolog: a bohócok, a zűrzavar, a rasszimus és  a politikai korrektség – már amennyiben a megfelelő személy (gy.k. jómagam, a nagybetűs Zaizen) ír róluk. De most őszintén – egy rakás gonosz bohóc garázdálkodik, ötszáz szóban. Szerintem ez tök vicces.

Azért teszem most közzé, mert egyrészt nem akarok komolyat posztolni ma, másrészt szerintem elég jó lett, hogy amolyan komolytalan töltelék-posztként megállja a helyét. Sőt, ki merem jelenteni, hogy olyan jó lett, hogy minden egészséges humorérzékkel rendelkező embert minimum megmosolyogtat, a polkorrekt idiótákat pedig minimum egy rosszalló homlokráncolásig megbotránkoztatja olvasás közben. Win-win.

Élvezzétek.

The Circus had come to town. People were in a panic, as no one expected the clown’s abrupt return. They had learned in the years prior to shut their doors and hide their daughters when the Kruel Klown Koalition came, but they were still powerless in face of the sudden rampage. The clowns set up their circus tent during the night, making their preparations, and now they’d ride around in their little cars, terrorizing the city with acts of tasteless frivolity. In one case they were throwing chromatic cream tarts at unsuspecting bystanders, where the cheap Chinese food colouring used was later proven highly toxic; in another, simultaneous incident fifteen clowns assaulted two local preschools, handing out inappropriately phallic balloon animals to at least three dozen six year olds, and in one iconic event a clown successfully double-parked in front of the courthouse, leaving his parade float on a row of handicapped parking spaces. The float depicted a chimp signing a bunch of brown-stained bills with a banana-shaped pen in a graffiti-covered and basketball-themed interpretation of the oval office, the whole nightmare on top of rainbow-colored words: FOUR MORE YEARS.

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Everybody is scared of clowns.

But the worst of it came only after the clowns discovered the tolerance exhibit in the local community center. They were drawn to it from the moment they first saw the Rainbow flag flying proudly, and come midday, the whole building was filled with a grinning, giggling mass of red noses, painted faces and curly rainbow wigs.

After they sacked the place, it was somehow decided that they too should spread the message of tolerance, and went on to the local synagogue with buckets full of paint. A horde of clowns smeared rainbow colours on the walls and the pavement, while the rest held an impromptu pride parade on the nearby street, drafting the nearby populous with threats and giggly mayhem into complying and marching along with the clowns.

By this time swat teams were mobilizing in full force, but the damage was already done. The clowns departed as quickly as they came, but not before they abducted a swat member, and forced eight other people into a small red clown car with unmarked plates. One man was found later in the evening wrapped in a gigantic whoopee cushion, the two others found the next morning had to be rushed to the hospital with concussions from slipping on banana peels. The rest had been dressed as characters from Tom Sawyer novels, even applying blackface where the clowns deemed necessary, and then let loose three days later. The swat member is yet to be released. No ransom demands were ever made. Allegedly a piece of paper that looked like a ransom note was found by authorities, the illegible penmenship in crayons and the horrible spelling mistakes however made deciphering the demands impossible.

∼fin∼