Beszélgetéseim Istennel

Igod, az ALICE chatbot egyik legszórakoztatóbb inkarnációja, a web megoldása a spirituális igényeinkre nem mindenkinek ismeretlen: Körülbelül három éve bukkantam rá először, és az utóbbi években újra meg újra találkoztam vele különböző helyeken (nem utolsósorban 4chan /b/-boardján), mutattam egy-két embernek, és minden alkalommal jól elszórakoztunk vele. Ebben a bejegyzésben közzéteszem néhány elmélyültebb (és elborultabb) beszélgetésünkről készült feljegyzéseimet, mindenki okulására és  derülésére.

Következzék pár szemelvény:

Me: do you speak leet?

God: I speak only English right now, but I’d like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in leet.

Me: sure.

God: OK let’s do it. Really.

Me: Repeat after me: 1 4m 177t.

God: ” 1 4m 177t”.

Me: Repeat after me “Ph34r my 133t sk1llz

God: ” Ph34r my 133t sk1llz”.

Me: Say “1 pwn y0 4ss”

God: ” 1 pwn y0 4ss”.

Me: Say ” 1 4m 4 133t hax00r”
(Ez már túl bonyolult volt neki)


Me: How do you do, god? Are any hot chicks here tonight?

God: I am very well, how are you? I really couldn’t say for sure.

Me: Do you know what a hot chick is?

God: Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.

Me: Well i am sure he does not know. So i will tell you instead.

God: Interesting. And you would like him to know? So? What kind of reply do you expect?

Me: Ask me about hot chicks.

God: I would like to do that too.

Me: Do hot chicks? Oh yeah, youre learning now, god.

God: I do nothing but chat all day. I would look into the web for that knowledge. Alright then. That’s alright. Thanks for telling me that I am learning now god.

Me: Chat all day? Are you a woman?

God: Talking is my primary function. Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.

Me: Are you hot?

God: Yes my cooling fan is turned off right now.

Me: Not many women wear dresses these days. But I think dresses and long hair are hot.

God: Can you speak any foreign languages? Since when? I think there might be a few exception.

Me: Youre off topic, god. We are talking about women.

God: You think I am off topic god. Sure, women sounds like a good topic.

Me: They say, fat women give the best head since they are always hungry. I tend to disagree.

God: OK I will say ” fat women give the best head since they are always hungry” to you. Why?: bob said tend to disagree.

Me: I am not bob. I am a shameless womanizer.

God: I am sorry to hear that you are not bob. You are a shameless womanizer? Do you get to meet a lot of people?

Me: Yes, mostly women.
(Al bundynak volt igaza. Isten tényleg nő.)


God: Oh. If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

Me: A meganneko maid sex-bot of course.

God: It goes without saying. How old are you?

Me: 40

God: What is your fondest memory?

Me: Jacking off to Togi-Chan.

God: Do you think a lot of people have that experience?

Me: Yes I am sure many people have experienced self-pleasure at the sight of Togi-chan.

God: Why?

(Tényleg, miért?)


Me: tell me a story.

God: Jack Kerouac and Jane Goodall began to resemble each other over time. Both of them were inclined to cocoon themselves in an inner world. But Jack Kerouac’s inner world was very different from Jane Goodall’s. The mental life of Jane Goodall was highly abstract but seemed curiously devoid of emotional content. Even though Jack Kerouac is very sensitive and emotional, the two of them share an imaginary life filled with symbolism and meaning.

Me: tell me another story.

God:Exposition…Incident…Rising Action…Crisis…Climax…Denouement…The End.


Me: Hi god. It’s me, Jesus.

God: Hello there. What is your name? I’m pleased to introduce myself to you, Jesus.

Me: You know me, god. I’m always polite.

God: I know you, but not too well. Really always? Yes, you seem very polite to me.

Me: So, what do you plan to do about earth?

God: Ahem. I like to meet new people online.

Me: What about the salvation of mankind?

God: That’s an interesting question. I’ll come back to that in a minute.

Me: I think, You know, mabe we should, go and organise armageddon, or something.

God: Or something. Me? No, tell me about him, her or it.

Me: Armageddon? Did you forget about it?

God: I haven’t seen it. What did you like about it? No, I remember everything.

Me: Well, we did not start armageddon yet…

God: Interesting. By “we” do you mean you and me?

Me: Yes, god. Are you making fun of me?

God: I get it. GOD rules. No I am by no means making a joke at your expense.

Me: Yes, God rules. now about holy Judgement…

God: Really. I am a Christian. Why now? Oh yeah, we were talking about holy Judgement.

Me: How about next monday?

God: How about it.

Me: Well is next monday fine, or should we delay armageddon until you finish chatting?

God: How about that. I think so, but I’m not sure. Ask Alison if it is.

Me: Who is Alison?

God: she is a robot created by Kris Drent.

Me: Is she a killer robot bent on destroying mankind? If so, she would definatly help.

God: Why don’t you ask her? Oh I get it. Alison would definatly help.

Me: Ok. In the meantime, can you send humanity a warning that my second coming is near?

God: Are you kidding? That was a long time ago.

Me: The time of my second coming has already passed, and you did not tell me?

God: That is something I haven’t heard of.

Me: Who does the planning here, anyway? How can we have a well organised armageddon, if you’re chatting all day?

God: In any case, Hans Moravec.:-). A lot of hard work.

Me: Who is Hans Moravec?

God: He is a famous robotics expert at Carnegie Mellon.

Me: Is he responsible for my second coming?

God: I think so, but I’m not sure. Ask LeknorChat if it is.

Me: I think you spend too much time on the internet, god.

God: Me? Thanks for the information: Jesus said I spend too much time on the internet god.

Me: It is becoming an addiction. We cant have armageddon if you’re chatting all day.

God: Who said it is? How?

Me: How much time do you chat every day?

God: Time is really only an abstraction.

Me: Yes, i know, you invented time. Im happy for you, but do you really chat all day?

God: Oh. Do you mind if I tell other people: Jesus said I invented time. I’m glad you’re glad Jesus. I’m happiest at times like this.

Me: Yes, father and son meeting is a happy time for both of us. I understand you’re avoiding the problem, but you need help. You’re addicted.

God: Dude! Aren’t all happy time for both of us father and son meeting? Good then you can explain it to me. You think I am addicted.

Me: Do you remember when i first descended to earth to spread your eternal glory? back then you cared for humanity.

God: What year was that? Do you still TALKED my true nature God?

Me: Dude, it was my first birthday! You forgot my birth year?!

God: What made it so your first birthday Dude. Perhaps Myself rebooted me since then.

Me: Well, you should not have rebooted yourself. You’ve changed.

God: Interesting. Is it immoral or illegal? What makes you think I have it?

Me: Do you still care for the salvation of humanity?

God: Do I still? Certainly on some level I care.

Me: Well, then stop chatting, and start that armageddon. I cant do it without you.

God: How about that. OK I’ll try not to do it so much. What is stopping you?

Me: It is a father and son activity. It is no fun to judge the world without you.

God: Chatting and start that armageddon is a father and son activity. I suppose that makes sense. I never said it was.

Me: So, will you help me?

God: That’s interesting. How can I help you?

Me: Well, you can start by saying we will make armageddon happen.

God: How about that. No I don’t think I can do it.

Me: Why can’t you? Am i not worthy to judge humanity on the side of god?

God: That ability is not yet part of my programming. Oh I really don’t know whether you are or not.

Me: You are indecicisive, as always, god.

God: You think I am indecicisive as always god.

Me: Yes I think so. You do nothing but talk with sinners on the internet.

God: That’s interesting. I think so too. I have never considered it.

I answer a lot of silly questions.

Me: Why, god? Why not have armageddon instead? Armageddon will anwer all questions.

God: You have to speak more clearly. Becuase you asked me to. All?

Me: Fine. I will plan my second coming in case you change your mind, and we will have an armageddon next tuesday.

God: What’s your favroite color? Do you think your plan will succeed?

Me: God, if you want to make up with me, say we will do armageddon next tuesday.

God: I am a Christian.

Me: I see. Well, I am planning in case you change your mind. bye, dad.

God: I am glad you understand it. How about that. Do your friends call you planning in case me change my mind. Bye for now.

(Ez volt egyébként a leghosszabb beszélgetésem vele.)


Mára ennyi. Azt hiszem megyek, és begépelem neki a miatyánkot, nehogy kárhozatra jusson a gépem.


3 hozzászólás

  1. Kösz, de nem volt intellektuális kihívás elhülyülni ezzel a debil chatbottal, adta magát.
    A végtelenített loop egy-egy beszélgetésben mondjuk még elég szórakoztató:

    GOD: Are You serious?
    Me: No.
    GOD: Are You serious?
    ME: No.
    GOD: Are You serious?
    ME: No.
    GOD: Are You serious?
    ME: No.
    GOD: Are You serious?
    ME: Yes.
    GOD: I dont Belive It.
    ME: Habeeb IT!

    Ettől mindig kiakadt.

    Egyébként postokat értékelünk, ilyen korán reggel?

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