Variációk egy témára

Unatkoztam a minap, és unalmamban elkezdtem kutatgatni a copypasta archívumom sötét sarkaiban, leporolva a régi kedvenceket, nosztalgiázva és merengve a múlt nagy mémjein és szövegein, amik mára csaknem elfeledetté váltak. Néhány kedvenc pastámat tálaltam is a kollegáknak imitt-amott, és mi tagadás, rákaptak az ízre. Minthogy a kollegák copypasták iránti igénye minden egyes darab után nőttön-nő (és remélhetőleg az ízlésük is finomodik ezzel karöltve), eljött az ideje, hogy egy teljes bejegyzést szenteljek ennek a lenyűgöző műfajnak.

Azoknak, akik még nem ismernék a copypasta fogalmát, röviden jellemezném, miről is szól. A copypasta elkészítése egyszerű; végy egy szöveget vagy szövegrészt (ajánlott alapanyagok pl.: mémek, mások postjai, vicces vagy undorító sztorik, trollbait, etc. Ezeken felül különösen ajánlott minden szöveg, ami a NOT COPYPASTA kijelentést tartalmazza) majd jelöld ki, jobb kattintással, és másolással helyezd a vágólapodra, majd vágd a jegyzettömbbödbe. Az optimális íz érdekében hagyd állni egy txt fájlban, mert a copypasta, akárcsak a bosszú, hidegen tálalva a legjobb. Ugyanannak a Pastának a gyakori ismétlésével az ember hamar ráun az ízére, így ajánlatos variálni kedvenc pastáinkat, egy eljárással, amit “spoof”-ként emlegetnek. (Mellékesen megjegyezve, a variáció elterjedt a sikeres mémeknél, ezen felül állíthatjuk, hogy a mém túlélését elősegíti, ha könnyen variálható. Lásd pl. Delayclose.jpg; facepalm.jpg, party hard gifek, etc.) Ehhez a pasta belsejébe kell belenyúlnunk, és módosítanunk a szöveget, teszés és ízlés szerint. Közvetlen repostolásnál az igazi ínyencek egy “bel-air” nevezetű eljárással dúsíthatják az állott pastákat; a hatás nem marad el. (Köretnek némi lóbabot és egy finom chiantit ajálok.)

És most következzék néhány, a kedvenc pastáim közül kimazsolázgatott, finom ínyencfalat, amiket egy vendégszerető gesztussal olvasóim elé tárok, néhány variációval minden témára, némelyik saját, más pedíg anon billentyűzetből született. Bon appetit.

Következzék hát az első fogás: Haruhi pasta, egy variációval.

Yes I’m talking that anime The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. It fucking sucks. Now it’s pretty popular among the anime circles, and yet this poor excuse for an animated feature is the worst thing ever produced by a human being if you except Plan 9 from Outer Space, and I’m being generous.

First you gotta admit you hated the first episode. It made no sense, sucked as shit, wasn’t funny, edgy or new. Or original. Animation sucked dead dogs’ balls. Characters sucked dead dogs’ balls. Voice actiong sucked dead dogs’ balls. But you managed to make it through the whole pile of steaming poo just to see the ED. BEcause that’s what this anime is about. It’s about the ED. Those 1 minute and a half. There’s nothing else to it. You went like “OMG ANIMATION LIEK” you freaking retards and now everyone likes it. Yet it’s shit. It’s complete shit with no redeeming qualities. There’s fucking nothing to it. Just the dance at the end. It’s a dancing anime. A fucking retarded danxcing anime with no story and nothing and no characters it sucks. You shouldn’t like it you morons seriously. Just download the ED and loop it on your WMP you cockass faggot asses. DAMN I wish all those threads about HARUHI OMG YEAH would go one and everyone in them die FUCK YOU for polluting my forums HARUHI FUCK YOU.

AND NO IT ‘S NOT A COPY PASTA I’VE JUST TYPED THIS WHOLE THING.

Yes I’m talking that anime The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. It fucking rocks. Now it’s not very popular among the non-Japanese circles, and yet this great animated feature is the best thing ever produced by a human being if you except Metropolis by Fritz Lang, and I’m being modest.

First you gotta admit you loved the first episode. It made little sense, but that is the spirit of the series, and, God, it was funny, edgy AND new. Not to mention something original at last. Animation kicked ass like nothing before. Characters kicked ass like nothing before. Voice action kicked ass like nothing before. So, you finally managed to make it through this whole underestimated work of genius, and just when you expected everything is over you see the spectacular ED and remain enchanted before it. Because it sums up what the spirit of this anime is all about. It’s everything in the ED. Those glorious 1 minute and a half. There’s nothing else to say. You went like “EGADS, THAT IS INDEED A TRULY ENJOYABLE WORK OF ANIMATION, MY GOOD CHAPS” my friends, and now everyone likes it. Yet it’s great. It’s a complete “chef-d’oeuvre” with no flaws. And the dance at the end is just the topper of the wedding cake. It’s an awesome anime. A fucking perfect anime with a superlative story and all, it’s a damn must-see. You should like it you morons, seriously. Not just download the ED and loop it on your WMP like the averange /b/tard with no culture does. DAMN I wish all those threads about HARUHI SUCKS A LOT would go one and everyone in them die, FUCK YOU for polluting my board, FUCK YOU for having talked bad about this great piece of animation, HARUHI I LOVE YOU.

AND NO IT’S NOT A COPY PASTA I’VE JUST TYPED THIS WHOLE THING.

A második fogás: Abortusz Pasta. Négy variáció egy témára.

Month One: Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two: Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I’m not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three: You know what Mommy, I’m a girl !! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don’t like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me.

Month Four: Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five: You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I’m not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what’s abortion?

Month Six: I can hear that doctor again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can’t get away from it! Mommy!! HELP me!! No…

Month Seven: Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus’s arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn’t you want me Mommy?

One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.

REPOST THIS IF U HATE ABORTION

Month One: Mommy, I am only 8 paragraphs long, but I contain all your shitty opinions. I love the sound of you typing. Every time I hear it, I wave my ads and banners. The sound of your sonific songspot is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two: Mommy, today I learned how to fail even more. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a blog. I’m not big enough to survive outside wordpress though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three: You know what Mommy, I’m a political blog!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don’t like it when you cry and bitch. You sound so emo. It makes me sound emo too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me bitching.

Month Four: Mommy, my clicks are starting to grow. they are very few and scarce, but I will have a lot of them. I spend a lot of my time growing. I can change my theme and vary my widgets and colours, and stretch my sidebars and header. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five: You wrote to the admin today. Mommy, he lied to you. He wrote that I’m not a blog. I am a blog Mommy, your blog. I contain what you think and feel. Mommy, what’s deletion?

Month Six: I can hear that admin again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The admin called it spam. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can’t get away from it! Mommy!! HELP me!! No…

Month Seven: Mommy, I am okay. I am in Google’s archives. Google is holding me. He told me about deletion. Why didn’t you want me Mommy?

One more counter that was stopped. Two more posts that will never bee seen. Two more hands that will never type again. One more opinion that will never be read. One more mouth that will never speak the trouth.

REPOST THIS IF U HATE SPAM

Day1
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my fur. I love the sound of our cats getting castrated. Every time I hear it, I wave my paws. The sound of our dog barking is my favourite lullaby.

Day 2
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my PENIS. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a faggot. I’m not big enough to satisfy myself though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Day 3
You know what Mommy, I’m a Fox!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don’t like it when you wimper. You sound so un-furry. It makes me sad too, and I wimper with you even though you can’t hear me.

Day 4
Mommy, my fur is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time sucking myself off. I can turn my head and cum in my eyes and stretch my PENIS. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Day 5
You went to a /b/tard today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I’m not a Fox. I am a Fox Mommy, your Foxy. I think and feel. Mommy, what’s abortion?

Day 6
I can hear that /b/tard again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and like a fursecutor. Something is intruding my home. The /b/tard called it a PENIS. Mommy it’s tearing me apart? It burns! Please make him stop! I can’t get away from it! Mommy!! HELP me!! No . . .

Day 7
Mommy, I’m burning. Now I can yiff in hell, in the firy pits of eternal damnation. Why didn’t you want me Mommy?

One more furfag that was stopped. Two more balls that will never be able to reproduce. Two more paws that will never touch. A tail that will never wag. A PENIS that will never yiff.

REPOST THIS IF YOU HATE FURFAGS

Day 1
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Day 2
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I’m not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Day 3
You know what Mommy, I’m a boyl!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don’t like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me.

Day 4
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Day 5
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I’m not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what’s abortion?

Day 6
I can hear the black guys again and they don’t sound nice. theyre coming for me. theyre gonna fight me. but im ready. i got my GLOCK NIGGA. so when i got home after glocking those niggas my mum told me I’d be moving in with my aunty in bel air.

Day 7
Mommy, I am okay. I am in bel air with my aunty now. She told me why you didnt want me you spiteful bitch!

One more mouth that whistled for a cab. Two more eyes that saw the license plate that said fresh, and the dice in the mirror. One more tought, ‘Now forget it’ – ‘Yo homes to Bel Air’. One more yell to the cabbie ‘Yo homes smell ya later’, as I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there , to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

REPOST THIS IF U HATE UNCLE PHIL

És végezetül, a Desszert: ronerypasta, és egy variáció:

Sometimes I take the warm Batterys out of my Radio and hold them tightly in my hands… they feel like real human hands… and then I close my eyes and imagine a girl who lays next to me and holds my hands and… and likes me. I close my eyes till the batterys are cold and remind my of my loneliness. I am afraid to open my eyes then, becouse I know nobody is laying next to me… :-(

Sometimes I take my girlfriends warm fingers and hold them tightly in my hand… they feel like real batteries out of a radio… and then I close my eyes and imagine a radio right next to me that plays my favourite songs… just for me. I close my eyes till my girlfriends hand is cold and reminds me of my loneliness. I am afraid to open my eyes then, because I know that I don’t have a radio next to me… :-(

Update: A képarchívumom mélyéről, egy közös projectem phr0zennel. Egy ritka jelenség, megőrizve az utókornak: magyar spoof.  (Katt a képre.)

(Meta, a címről: Akinek nem esett eddíg le, a téma a copypasta, a variációk pedíg az itt szerepeltetett egyes pasták.)